On birthdays and memories

I had a hard week. I forgot to

Breathe

Today is one of those bittersweet days. 15 years ago, we lost my precious oldest niece. It’s so hard and we miss her so much.

On the other hand, it is my oldest brother’s birthday.

Yes…my niece died on my brother’s birthday.

So, today, I’m going to go see my sweet brother and sing Happy Birthday to him.

And

I am going to remember how lucky and blessed we were to have my niece for 17 years.

And

I’m going to miss my mama a whole lot today. We need her so much! She was our rock.

As you know, my youngest niece is getting married. When you think about celebrations and special events, you start thinking about those who will not be there with you. She and her fiancé have lost several special family members. How do you honor and remember your loved ones and still have a fun, positive day?

It is not easy, but it can be done.

First of all, it is better to acknowledge it in some way. Letting yourself feel that sadness helps let it out.

Some people use a memory candle or mention them in the program. These are both very good ideas and everyone else can share in your memories and love.

A more subtle approach can work, too.

Did your loved one have a favorite necklace? How about cuff links or a pocket watch?

Maybe you can find a favorite hankie or something they personally made.

Now

I know that these items may not go with your theme. That’s okay! You can do it subtly.

Find a way to incorporate them into your bouquet…pin something to the inside of your hem…carry that hankie.

Everyone else there may not know the significance of your item, or even know you have it.

But you will.

And that makes all the difference.

Grief. Memories. Longing. These are all very personal emotions. The best way to honor your loved one is to do it in a way that is meaningful to you. That’s all that matters.

(I love you Lindsey! I love you Mama! I love you Steve and Happy Birthday!!!)

i carry your heart

i carry your heart

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)

i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)

i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

~ e. e. cummings

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One thought on “On birthdays and memories

  1. Pingback: Negativity and the Internet | Kudzu and Romance

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